Never would I have thought that meeting myself would be so difficult. I did Vipassana. A 10-day immersion, with 10 hours of meditation per day, without talking, without a phone, book, or notebook, nothing that could disturb the mind.

What is Vipassana?

It is one of the oldest meditation techniques in India, taught for over 2500 years by Gautama the Buddha. Vipassana means seeing things as they truly are, observing the truth. It is a method of self-transformation through self-observation.

Its purpose?

To rid oneself of all suffering and purify the mind.

Does it work?

Only your own experience will tell. Let me tell you about mine.

Why did I do Vipassana?

Three years ago, in India, people told me about their experience. At that time, I thought, “Why do they subject themselves to this?! I, never, would do that. I can barely meditate, I have too much restlessness, and I never stop talking. It’s not for me.“

Over the course of these three years, the testimonials became more numerous, interesting, and encouraging: “Total tranquility, peace and harmony, free from all agitation, irritation, and discord.” Those words convinced me, the seed was planted, and it began to sprout.
Then the moment came when I decided to go for it, convinced that I wouldn’t have 10 days like this in my future life. It was now or never.
I registered with a lot of apprehension. Then, three months later, I found myself on my way to the center. It was no coincidence that Vipassana entered my life at a time when I needed it most.

Day 0: Stripping down

Upon arrival, I discovered my room with only a bed and a dresser. I handed over my phone, e-reader, computer, notebook, camera, pen—everything I had that could disturb my mind. And at 8:00 p.m., the noble silence began.

Why the noble silence?

The silence of the body, speech, and mind. They explain that the continuity of the practice is the secret of the success of these courses, and silence is an essential element to maintain this continuity.

I, who dreaded this moment, found it surprisingly not the most difficult; on the contrary, it was rather soothing. It is under these conditions that inner reflection begins and the work starts.

Day 1: Disorientation

Discipline is the order of the day, and the schedule must be followed:

• 4:00 a.m. Wake up 
• 4:30 to 6:30 a.m. Meditation in the hall or in your room 
• 6:30 to 8:00 a.m. Breakfast break 
• 8:00 to 9:00 a.m. Group meditation in the hall 
• 9:00 to 11:00 a.m. Meditation in the hall or in your room according to the teacher’s instructions 
• 11:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. Lunch break 
• 12:00 to 1:00 p.m. Rest and interview with the teacher 
• 1:00 to 2:30 p.m. Meditation in the hall or in your room 
• 2:30 to 3:30 p.m. Group meditation in the hall 
• 3:30 to 5:00 p.m. Meditation in the hall or in your room according to the teacher’s instructions 
• 5:00 to 6:00 p.m. Tea break 
• 6:00 to 7:00 p.m. Group meditation in the hall.
• 7:00 PM to 8:15 PM Teacher’s Discourse in the Hall 
• 8:15 PM to 9:00 PM Meditation in the Hall 
• 9:00 PM to 9:30 PM Question Period in the Hall 
• 9:30 PM Retire to your room. Lights out.

It is within these strict schedules, starting from the first day, that I attempted to meditate, concentrate, and observe myself. But nothing worked; every second, I would doze off, my mind was still very restless, and I struggled to control it. I would fall asleep during every break, even missing the 5:00 PM one…

Ten days, it’s going to be very challenging.

Day 2: The Migraine

To clarify, every evening, there is a one-hour recording where Mr. Goenka, the main teacher, teaches the art of Vipassana living. What was impressive was that throughout the week, whenever something happened to me during the day, the evening discourse would reference it. This quickly reassured me about the practice. That day was better than yesterday, but difficulties remained: a wandering, elusive, oscillating, and unstable mind without peace or tranquility. All of this was accompanied by migraines, which, according to the discourse, were normal on the second day.

Day 3: The Hatred

I have never felt so much aversion in my entire life. I had rage against everyone: my family, my friends, my acquaintances. Hatred had consumed me. Then came the evening, when my meditation practice had significantly improved compared to other days. Unsurprisingly (well, actually, quite surprising for me), in the evening discourse, you could hear, “Perhaps you experienced strong, even violent emotions, but tonight, they have subsided to allow for a better practice of meditation.“

Okay, so they know what they’re talking about.

Day 4: The Jealousy

” – Vipassana begins.
– Huh? What? How? I’ve been doing it for three days!”

For the first three days, you learn the Anapana method, focusing on the breath and the sensation of air entering and leaving the nostrils. It’s a necessary step before being able to practice Vipassana properly.

From the 4th day onward, we practice Samadhi: concentration and thought management. That day, my thoughts were fixated on constant comparison with others, with the feeling that the grass is always greener elsewhere. To this, Mr. Goenka responded, “Every attachment creates desire, and desire leads to suffering.” When we are addicted to desire, we are never satisfied with what we have and always want more. Constantly seeking something bigger, greater, stronger. Like an addiction, we chase after something, thinking we need it, when in reality, we only satisfy it temporarily to ease the sense of lack.

That’s when I realized everything I had and that I wouldn’t want to change it for anything in the world.

Day 5: The Injustice

“You will not move for 1 hour, three times a day.” Ha-Ha-Ha.

I thought it was impossible, that I would never succeed.

Everyone was stretching and preparing as if getting ready for a marathon. Each person used their imagination to create a cozy nest with all the available cushions. Personally, I had a cushion to sit on and another under each knee—I was ready. Now, “discipline, discipline, discipline.” An hour passed, and it was impossible to open my eyes, move my arms, or stretch my legs. Thoughts arose, compassion and Anicca (impermanence of things).

Day 6: The Heatwaves

I want to leave. Yesterday, they spoke of misfortune and suffering, and it feels like it’s dragging me down more than anything else. I can’t take it anymore; it’s too difficult. I feel like I’m digging into my soul, searching deep within myself.

And I don’t understand why, from the very beginning, even in this kind and cool environment, I experience heatwaves. Searching for answers without finding any, I finally observe. After all, that’s why we’re here, isn’t it?

And then the explanation comes (once again in the discourse): We are all connected to the four elements—Earth, Water, Air, and Fire. And depending on our emotions and connections, there is a reaction. For example, when cold arises, sadness follows. Conversely, when heat arises, anger surfaces. So, it’s anger then. Let’s observe it and let it go, just as it arrived. Nothing is permanent.

Day 7: The Worst Day

Today is worse than yesterday. I feel like a bad person, as if what I’m experiencing is not benefiting me. Time passes, hours go by, and so do I. I greet every emotion, every past experience, future worries—I have nothing to distract myself with, and I must take full responsibility? Get me out of here.

Let’s wait for the discourse; maybe this is normal. And then: “If you’re not experiencing positive results from your practice, it means you’re not practicing Dhamma correctly,” the taught technique. Get me out of here.

Day 8: The Best Day

Every day, we have the opportunity to have a 5-minute exchange with the teacher. My name was at the top of the list.

“I’m exhausted from my emotions, struggling with my conflicts. I’m practicing as instructed, and indeed, I see improvements in my meditation. But regarding my being, I’m at my limit, and apparently, it’s because I’m not doing it right. What should I do?” With his deep blue eyes, the teacher looked at me profoundly, indicating that I am indeed practicing Dhamma perfectly well.

My heart lightened. During the discourse, it was said, “If strong emotions arise, that’s very good. Use them as tools.” I wish I had known that earlier.
Later, during my meditation practice, after a certain period of concentration, I felt a lightness I had never experienced before. I was overwhelmed by profound well-being. If I long for it, then I say yes, I’ll stay.

Day 9: The Fears

I’m almost there. I can do it.

Today, I remember telling my loved ones that if something happened, I didn’t want to know until afterward. But what if something really did happen? My family? My friends? War? A meteorite?!

Being confined is complicated.
During Vipassana, from the first day, you’re told that you’ll undergo a surgical intervention. Opening up, removing the darkness, and allowing the wound to heal. Imagine my state upon hearing bad news—a wound opened. It’s not possible.
So, we observe this fear, accept it, and let it go—Anicca. I’m improving, I’m far away, I’m at peace.

Day 10: Liberation

During the final meditation, the Gong rings, and it’s done—the noble silence is over. It feels like the first day of school. Who will I talk to? What will I share with them? I feel like I know them all.

During these 10 days, there were some people I liked and others that didn’t attract me as much. It’s in these moments that we realize we can’t help but judge, envy, or reject ideas. Then, naturally, people greet me and a small circle forms. It took me about 15 minutes to get familiar with speaking, my words, my voice. Such a strong emotion took hold of my body during the sharing of each person’s experience, the sense of cohesion, and that moment alone.

Leave me here, I don’t want to leave anymore.

Day 11: Returning to the real world

I didn’t want to turn on my phone. So much can happen in 10 days. So much has happened to me in 10 days.
And truly, with a weight lifted off, something that has gone away, suffering vanished, I leave the center and write these lines today.

What was the most difficult part?

1. Confronting myself and facing my emotions.
2. The practice of meditation, experiencing and maintaining concentration.
3. The posture and observing the pain, especially on the 5th day when you can’t move for an hour, three times a day.
4. Not being able to do anything to occupy my mind.
5. The silence.

What has it brought me?

I didn’t learn anything specific from the courses and teachings of this method. But I have realized, up until now, that I had only intellectualized these precepts. Thanks to Vipassana, I have truly experienced living and feeling them, both in my body and in my mind.
I have come to realize that there are no bad souls, only unhappy and ignorant individuals who live with their beliefs and perspectives of the world.
I have finally understood what it means to act with discipline, sincerity, renunciation, morality, effort, truth, tolerance, determination, wisdom, equanimity, altruistic love, and generosity.

I wanted to shed light on this experience because I hope it brings you as much as it has brought me.
Vipassana is a universal path, an invaluable tool, albeit challenging, but beneficial to everyone. Observing reality as it is, by observing the truth within, is to truly know oneself directly through experience.

As Mr. Goenka said: “May all beings experience this ultimate truth. May all beings be liberated from suffering. May all beings enjoy real peace, real harmony, real happiness. May all beings be happy.”

For more information on Vipassana: click here.